Kilometer Zero Proust Questionnaire
After visiting and shopping in the world-renowned Shakespeare and Company bookstore in Paris, Mike and I were in desperate need of a break. We'd been walking for hours exploring the city and we were ready to drop. To our delight, Shakespeare and Company was also home to a fantastic Café right next door. We popped in for pastries and drinks, then took our tray to the picnic tables outside so we could soak up the view across the Seine and of Notre Dame stretching up to the clouds.
As I tore apart a delectable chocolate sticky bun, I discovered the café tray was lined with a bookish variation of the famous Proust Questionnaire. S&C's version is called the Kilometer Zero Proust Questionnaire because the shop is situated at the exact central innermost point of Paris. Since we were right there, in a comfy spot with a perfect cup of espresso, Mike and I made an attempt at answering it all. My responses are recorded here:
1. What is your present state of mind?
A blend of immense gratitude and sheer joy.
2. What is your favorite way to spend your time?
Traveling, eating, and drinking with the people I love.
3. If you were an animal, which one would you be?
Narwhal. Part graceful whale, part stabby murder-dolphin.
4. What book makes you want to live in a different era?
I tend to favor future worlds over historical settings because of things like indoor plumbing, air conditioning, and female liberation. I'll say Neuromancer by William Gibson.
5. What's the craziest thing you've ever eaten?
I’m not that adventurous of an eater so I’m going to go with that time I emotionally ate a box of cake mix. Just the dry powdered mix. Out of the box. With a spoon. It was vanilla.
6. What is your favorite journey?
Years ago after a major life setback, I began feeling like so many dreams and goals were permanently beyond my reach. Which depressed the hell out of me but also made my rebellious streak flare up so that I felt determined to succeed in spite of everything. I made a concrete list of things I’d like to see and do, and promised myself I would pick one big thing from the list each year to make happen. It's been a successful journey so far. Sometimes it requires saving up a lot of money and sometimes it requires me to step way out of my comfort zone, but I’ve been crossing off at least one big goal for the past seven years and it’s fucking awesome.
7. Who is your hero in real life? Who is your hero in fiction?
David Bowie. Dana Scully.
8. Which word or phrases do you most overuse?
I say “awesome” at least once an hour. Sometimes earnestly. Sometimes sarcastically. Often as verbal punctuation.
9. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Lying in bed, on a warm summer night, with all the lights off, watching a thunderstorm through open windows, with only the sounds of the rain drumming the roof, and the feeling of damp wind blowing across warm, bare skin.
10. If you could spend the rest of your life with a character from a book, who would it be?
Death, from the Sandman graphic novels.
11. What is your theme song?
Don’t Stop Me Now —Queen
12. Who are your three favorite writers?
Jenny Lawson, N.K. Jemisin, and Douglas Adams.
13. Where in the world would you most like to live?
London is the place where I feel most at home, outside my current city of residence. Take me to the land of Cadbury's, meat pies, chips, sausages, Cornish pasties, Selfridges, and afternoon tea as an institution.
14. On what occasion do you lie?
When the dentist asks me if I floss every day. I’m trying though.
15. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Assuming carbs aren’t being taken into account, Tuna Noodle Casserole.
16. Which poem makes your spine tingle?
I Will Write in Words of Fire —Neil Gaiman
17. What is your favorite smell?
Ocean. Clean, with briny salt, sea grasses, and rocky minerals.
18. If you could ask the leader of your country to read one book, what would it be?
Not a book in the traditional sense, but I’d recommend he start with The United States Constitution.
19. What's your favorite hiding place?
Unconsciousness. Easily accessed and wholly disconnected from the outside world.
20. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Probably just surviving all the crazy shit I’ve had to live through to get to this point and be in a reasonably mentally/emotionally stable place.
21. Which book do you have on your nightstand but know you'll never read?
I don’t have any books on my nightstand, nor do I buy books I never intend to read. I firmly reject this question.
22. If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
Teleportation. Three reasons: One, because I'm always running late to everything all the time and I have tried to change time and again, but this one isn’t in me. Two, because so many of my friends and family are scattered all over the place and I can’t visit them nearly as much as I’d like to. And three, I could travel everywhere, anytime, and see the world without ever having to go through airport security.
23. What was your favorite book as a child?
Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell. I often fantasized about being stranded alone on a deserted island. It sounded wonderful. Still does sometimes.
24. Do you have a recurring dream? If so, what is it?
At least once a week I’ll have a travel-related dream. Usually I’m getting on a train, or getting off a train, often trying to make a connection, racing to get to a gate or platform, fumbling with the ticket machines, looking for the subway entrance, losing my luggage, etc.
25. What to you is the most beautiful word or words?
“I made coffee for you.”
26. What's the worst book you've ever read?
Not going to win any fans with this one but Game of Thrones: A Song of Fire and Ice. It read like sloppy Terry Goodkind fan fiction and was chock full of problematic depictions of women. I didn’t finish it. I would use it for kindling if the heat went out.
27. Who would play you in the movie of your life?
Krysten Ritter, if I’m in charge of casting.
28. What is your motto?
“Fuck it.” Go do it, even if you’re nervous or afraid. Stop beating yourself up about it. Just do better tomorrow. Don’t over think things. Just trust your gut. Really, it’s a pretty versatile motto that you can apply to just about anything.
29. What's the most romantic experience you've ever had?
Yesterday I was drinking champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower with the person I love, on my birthday, as the sun set over Paris.
30. How would you like to die and in what form would you choose to come back?
Preferably not in agonizing pain, I guess? I'll opt for slowly falling asleep in a snow bank in the middle of the wilderness on a perfectly clear night, ideally in my golden years before everything goes to shit. As for coming back, I’m not sure I’d want to return and do things all over again. Just let me have a nap or give me a new plane of existence to explore.
