My Self-Summary
Upbeat, offbeat, dedicated contrarian in possession of an over-active imagination, more black tee shirts than a Nine Inch Nails merch booth, and a penchant for singing power ballads into the bathroom mirror while blow drying my hair. Art maker. Plant whisperer. Curiosity collector. Perfume connoisseur. Non-compliant. Residing at the center of a Venn diagram where Lydia Deetz, Jane Lane from Daria, Ramona Flowers, and Tank Girl meet.
Conqueror of over 100 rollercoasters and counting. Proponent of breakfast for dinner. Opponent of dress codes everywhere. Voted most likely to fly to London for 48 hours just to see a play. Voted least likely to become a Martha Stewart domestic goddess. Former holder of a Jon Bon Jovi fan club membership. Current holder of a Sephora VIB Rouge membership.
What I'm Doing With My Life
Creative professional, kicking it in the thrilling world of advertising. It’s just like Mad Men minus the polyester, rampant sexism, chain smoking, and dismemberments by lawn mower. We did have an office bar in an empty cubicle though.
When I’m not pitching brilliant design ideas like Don Draper fresh off a bender, I’m road tripping with my husband Mike, scouting estate sales for haunted antiquities, adding decants to my perfume collection, wandering old cemeteries, making another cup of Darjeeling, and watering my lemon tree Beyoncé.
I'm Really Good At
• Knowing all the lyrics to, “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine).”
• Applying winged eyeliner, mascara, and red lipstick while on a moving train.
• Going into Target to buy dish soap and leaving with cart full of stuff, minus dish soap.
• Putting a camping tent up in the dark in the pouring rain with nothing but a flashlight.
• Drinking half a bottle of Malbec and buying shit I totally don’t need on eBay at 1am.
Favorite Books, Movies, Music, and Food
Queued up: Cerebral science fiction, psychological thrillers, costume period dramas, every single last horror movie regardless of merit, quirky indies, most BBC shows, weird documentaries, and cult fantasy films of the 80’s for when I’m in the mood for muppets, big ass hair, and bad CGI.
Bookmarked: House of Leaves is the literary intersection of my two favorite things: graphic design and horror. It’s a simultaneously a masterful demonstration of typography as narrative art form and a skin-crawling tale of suspense so skillfully written it made this adult sleep with the lights on.
Ticket Stubs: David Bowie. Ramones. Lizzo. Nine Inch Nails. Liz Phair. Queen. The Cure. Billie Eilish. Smashing Pumpkins. Black Mountain. Green Day. Viagra Boys. Poe. The Beatles. Foo Fighters. T-Rex. The Distillers. ABBA. Windmills by the Ocean. The Kinks. Elvis. Beastie Boys. Helms Alee. The Clash. All Them Witches. My Chemical Romance. The Rolling Stones. Florence + The Machines. The Fratellis. Led Zeppelin. The Jane Austen Argument. The Bee Gees.
Menu Specials: Macaroni and Cheese is holy and should be worshipped with ceremony and ritual. Red Velvet Cake that doesn’t have proper cream cheese frosting should be banned from existence. Shepherd’s Pie is the single best thing to eat on a chilly night. French macarons are the closest you can get to heaven on earth. Tuna Helper is my secret super gross comfort food. Downcast Cider is the best of all ciders. Taco Bell is really impressive for a place that just remixes the same seven ingredients over and over. Junior Mints should be refrigerated before opening. Keebler Wedding Cookies are hard to find above the Mason-Dixon line. Stag’s Leap Artemis wine is like drinking velvet. Sweet cornbread with warm butter is better than any birthday cake. Cheerwine is the only soda worth drinking. North Carolina has the best barbecue, end of discussion. Thin Mints are harder to quit than heroin (probably, I’ve admittedly never tried heroin).
The Six Things I Could Never Do Without
• Friends I can text at odd hours with plots to take over the world or bail requests
• A Scrabble dictionary, so I can prove to you that’s totally a legitimate word
• My 'Find a Happy Place' playlist of Broadway musicals
• Sunscreen with SPF 100 because I’m an outdoorsy kind of goth
• Lip balm, preferably one in every room, drawer, and jacket pocket
• Mike, my husband, who is always up for joining me on crazy adventures
I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About
• Why people think watching Netflix or drinking coffee qualifies as a personality trait
• Where I might be able to hunt down a vintage bottle of Guerlain Djedi
• Getting bangs again but then I remind myself they're a pain in the ass to maintain
• The overlap of people who dismiss horoscopes but identify with a Meyers-Briggs type
• If anyone can tell that I wore these pants yesterday but with a different top
On a Typical Friday Night I Am
Possibly watching a rock show, trying out that new brewery up the road, floating in the pool with Jeff the inflatable unicorn, drinking wine and watching Labyrinth for the 900th time, walking to the ice cream parlor in an effort to get my 10,000 steps a day, playing Animal Crossing, picnicking in a local cemetery, hanging out in a local dive bar, hanging out on the backyard patio, or maybe just crashing early because it’s been a long week and I worked really hard.
