Our Worst Pandemic Buys
So you have seen what we splurged on and what actually sparked joy. Now I present all the things we wasted money on and regretted.
Counterfeit Puzzle
This is probably the most hilarious thing on the list. Technically it was a Christmas gift from Mike. When I unwrapped it, I was thrilled! A puzzle! Of the moon! And it’s round! Perfect for spending an entire winter indoors without a social life. It wasn’t until we opened it a few weeks later that we discovered something rather odd. The graphics of the puzzle image were a bit fuzzy. Almost low resolution? And then I saw it. The puzzle was a photo of a moon puzzle. Puzzle-ception. Someone had bought a legitimate moon puzzle, completed it, taken a photo of it, then printed that photo onto a puzzle and sold it. We had a counterfeit puzzle! Who knew there was a illegitimate puzzle industry?
Several Horrible Candles
You’re stressed out. You’re having anxiety attacks. You just want some chill and maybe a soothing environment with soft lighting and cozy smells. So you order candles off the internet because you can’t leave your house to shop and even if you brave the stores you can’t remove your mask to test sniff anything. While I did luck out and found some good candles (Tatine), I also bought several that absolutely sucked. This one promised a cozy fireplace aroma and delivered a cloyingly sweet scent that was migraine-inducing. Another was supposed to smell like Meyer lemons but smelled like Pledge mixed with Axe body spray. And another was labeled Pink Opal and just smelled too fruity for my palette. There are many others, some chucked into the garbage and some I’ve tried to rehab with essential oils. And for the record, I did not have COVID so my olfactory senses remained intact.
The Pretty But Uncomfortable Chair
While I did fall in love with my Herman Miller knock-off desk and still work from it every single day, I have grown to loathe the Carlton Task Chair that I bought to go with it. Look, it’s stylish as hell. It’s like a little cousin of an Eames Lounge Chair on wheels. By all accounts it should be comfortable. But it’s SO fucking hard. I hate sitting in it. I keep meaning to roll it to the curb on trash day during junk week. I should probably sell it on NextDoor but a part of me knows I’m passing the curse on to a new victim.
About 15 Bras
All I wanted was a soft, supportive work-from-home bra. It’s hard enough shopping for a 34G/H in stores, but shopping remotely for a rare cup size is an absolute nightmare. I bought so many, from Amazon, Her Room, Bare Essentials, and a handful of “Instagram Brands” like Knix. I spared no expense. I measured my bust, my ribs, my chest according to every site. I paid anywhere from $40 up to $120 in order to find a decent fit. None of them did though, and my boobs often fell right out of if I dared to bend over or go for a jog. So I printed return labels, taped up poly bags, and walked to the Post Office over and over and over to return them all. I did eventually find my holy grail bra, from Mindd Bra. You can read about it on the Best Pandemic Buys post. I’m a size 2 in their chart for reference.
High Maintenance Plants
I did not photograph all of the plant casualties that occurred in our house but there were many. Some of them were negligence, one was devastated by mites, but most of them, like this flytrap and fern, were just too finicky to deal with. If you’re not super green thumbed, maybe avoid plants that require exacting soil requirements, distilled water, controlled humidity levels, or specific lighting conditions not available in your home.
Herb Garden Seeds That Never Sprouted
Undeterred from my plant murder spree, I tried indoor gardening. I bought about two dozen seed packets for all kinds of garden herbs and plants, seedling starter trays, soil, a mister bottle, and even a fancy garden trough from the fancy garden center. Here likes the results of my efforts. I suck at this. I will stick to the Aerogarden and our raised beds outside.
Solar Christmas Lights
We had regular outdoor Christmas lights wrapped around our deck for night time chilling and grilling, and some time last summer they finally died. So I thought solar lights would be the smart way to replace them. These came highly rated and the review photos looked great! Sadly they collectively provide less illumination than a single night light and now I have to work up the energy to unravel them all from the deck railing. If you have an awesome solar light recommendation, please tell me.
Tequila Hand Sanitizer
I’m sure at some point this year we all experienced the hand sanitizer that smelled like cheap tequila. It was and remains gag-inducing. But because sanitizer was scarce, we bought it when we could find it. Nothing like following up a life-threatening trip to the grocery store with a chemical hand bath of warm tequila. And I hear now that it might not have been effective at killing COVID. Other terrible scents we purchased included nostril-burning Lavender, stay-all-day Oreo, and sticky sweet Green Apple.
There’s probably more things we bought that were terrible but the memory escapes us now. It’s been a horrible, chaotic, grief-stricken, traumatic year. We have done our best to hold together, stay safe, and maintain the last shred of sanity. With any luck, there’ll be a vaccine soon and an end to this nightmare. Stay safe and hang in there, everybody.
