My Sterilization Experience: Part 3

THIS ENTRY CONTAINS POST-SURGERY PHOTOS

PRE-OP CONSULTATION — September 28th, 2016 (Insurance Co-pay $250)
I got a call roughly ten days before my procedure, from my surgeon's office. This was the pre-op consultation, which is conducted entirely by phone. My directions were as follows: No vitamins or NSAIDS (Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) the week before surgery. Three days before and one day after surgery, I must shower with an anti-bacterial soap (bar soap or body wash is fine). The day before my surgery, I cannot have anything to eat or drink after midnight (except for water). The day of my surgery, I cannot wear any jewelry or nail polish. I must be accompanied by a family member or friend to and from the hospital. I am advised to wear loose fitting clothing and bring a maxi pad in case of any vaginal bleeding from the procedure. Fun!

Then, I'm given the time for arrival (6:15am) and directions to the specific floor and wing of the hospital where my surgeon will perform my procedure. The nurse I’m speaking with tells me that my co-pay for this procedure will be $250. I can pay now or I can pay at the time of arrival. I pull out my debit card and read off the numbers over the phone. If this is correct, everything is being covered. I am nervous and excited and slightly relieved. They email me a copy of the receipt and I run off to buy my bar of anti-bacterial soap.

DAY BEFORE SURGERY
My mom flies in and we spend the day catching up. I unload all my pre-surgery anxieties upon her. She calms my fears and describes the many procedures she’s had throughout her life (including a tubal ligation after having kids). We have a nice dinner out on the town and then we hit up the grocery store to stock up for the weekend. I try to go to bed early and sleep but anxiety keeps me just out of reach of unconsciousness.

DAY OF SURGERY
We woke up before sunrise, showered and got dressed. My outfit for the day consisted of a The Handmaid's Tale tee shirt (no bra), low-slung cotton panties, loose Star Wars sweat pants that sit way down on my hips, slip-on shoes, and a big soft hoodie. My mom carried my phone, wallet, keys, lip balm (always lip balm), and a panty liner (for post-op spotting). I hailed an Uber to the hospital.

6:15am We arrived at the hospital and it was all business. Intake forms. Urine sample. Vital signs. Revisit medical history. Changed into scrubs (gown, socks, hair covering) and climbed into a bed. Sticky heart monitor pads were put on my chest. A nurse with terrible bedside manners put in an IV bag of fluids. It stung like hell and I cried because I’m a wimp. She made a face at me and I made one at her once her back was turned. A pleasant nurse came by with a wonderful heated blanket to spread over me.

7:00am Then the head of anesthesia swings by to go over my medical history again. He’s funny, refers to himself as my bartender for the morning and describes the cocktail of sedatives that he’ll be mixing for me. After him, my surgeon arrives, cheerful as ever. We re-signed my consent form again (since it was past 30 days) and verbally acknowledged that sterilization was permanent and I was 100% positive. Everyone on staff gave me the thumbs up and I was cleared to go.

7:30am The anesthesiologist gave me a sedative through my IV. I was pretty high up on the anxiety scale but within a minute I was ridiculously relaxed. At that point, I could not care less about what was going on. Zero anxiety. Like, ravenous bears could have burst in to devour everyone and I would have just been fine with that. Everything was wonderful. The crew wheeled me into the OR and asked me to slide over from my bed onto the table. I imagine this would have been scary as hell had I not been doped up to the ceiling, but drugs are wonderful and I slid right over. The oxygen mask went over my face and my last thought was that it smelled funny, like a cheap plastic inflatable pool raft.

9:00am I opened my eyes in the recovery room. My throat and mouth were super dry because they put in (and took out) a breathing tube while I was out. Lots of coughing from that. A nurse brought in ice water and graham crackers. It was like a preschool snack time. At this point, I’m sluggish but lucid. There were these awesome massage sleeves on my legs that felt wonderful (they prevent blood clots from forming). I would very much like to know where I can get a pair from. They brought my mom in and we chatted a bit. They asked me if I felt any pain. I didn’t! Just kind of felt swollen and tender. I continued to make small talk and answer questions. I confirm that I'm not in any pain or nauseated.

10:00am The nurse says I'm cleared to go home! The IV and adhesive heart monitor pads were removed. Massage sleeves were sadly taken off my legs. My mom helped me sit up and get dressed, I was a little uncoordinated but managed. She got all the post-care instructions from my doctor. I open my phone and hail us an Uber home.

RECOVERY DAY 1

At 10:30am, we were home already. I couldn’t believe how quick it went by. And how easy it was. My first thought was, "Why haven't I done this sooner?"

My second thought was that my throat was wrecked from the breathing tube. It was like having the worst laryngitis ever. My throat was sore, painful, and felt thick or heavy in my chest like a chest cold. I croaked like a frog and try to cough but can't really use my abdominal muscles so it sucks. I drank a few cups of hot coffee (both to soothe my throat and to ward off caffeine withdraw migraine) while my mom got my prescriptions filled. Still was not in any pain from the surgery. Just a very mild period cramp sensation.

My mom returned from CVS with both a prescription for oxycontin and for ibuprofen. Since I wasn’t feeling acute pain, only cramps, I took the ibuprofen. I scheduled it every six hours the first day, setting reminder alerts on my phone. There was tenderness, soreness, swelling. Mild to moderate cramps. But no actual pain. I mostly just laid on the couch in a nest of pillows and blankets, and watched TV or looked at my phone. I drank a lot of hot tea with honey for my throat.

The first time I peed, it burned from the catheter they put in while I was under anesthesia. The second time it stung just a little. The third time, all was back to normal. Abdominal muscles still didn't really work, so I couldn't really form a normal pee stream. I sort of just had to let it drain out. Which is annoying because I had to pee every half hour. Might have been that huge bag of IV fluid going through me. There was also a small amount of vaginal spotting, but it trailed off by the end of the day. No pain. No nausea. No drowsiness. I just felt rather blah. I had a yogurt smoothie for lunch. An ungodly amount of Pad Thai for dinner. Throat lozenges and tea to deal with the sore throat.

I peeked at my belly and it was a tad on the gross side. Orange iodine stains on my stomach, residue from sticky tape heart monitor pads, and traces of dried blood. Big band-aids slapped over steri-strips (surgical tape). I felt super gross but couldn't shower for 24 hours. So...just gotta chill and be nasty for a bit I guess. My mom cleaned my floors while I played video games on the couch, so she gets a special shout out here for that.

DAY 2
Slept fine. Still no actual pain. Just tender and sore, like I did a ton of sit-ups and crunches. Swelling has gone down a bit. Removed the band-aids (leaving the steri-strips in place) and showered. Tiny bit of oozing from my navel, from when I tried to bend at the waist to reach for the soap. Patted everything dry and added fresh band-aids (Star Wars, naturally). I ate normally. Drank more tea. Normal bowel movement, no constipation. Throat still felt horrible and I coughed constantly. Ibuprofen every six hours. My mom decided she wanted to binge watch Once Upon A Time on Netflix, which I have never seen before, so I interrupted every two minutes to ask who was who and what was going on and why is that lady with the good hair mad at the other lady. I'm sure mom regretted coming up to take care of me now. Also, I took my very last birth control pill ever this morning. Relieved to be done with it forever.

Bilateral Salpingectomy Day 2: Removed the band-aids

DAY 3
Small amount of swelling remains. Throat felt better, maybe at 75%. Showered again and removed the band-aids, letting the incision sites air dry. The steri-strips stay in place until they peel off naturally. The two small incisions on my lower abdomen felt mostly normal to the touch. Navel was still quite sore and stung a bit with movement when I got up or sat down. There was the faintest halo of bruising around it. I tried to keep that area straight and not bend at the waist. There was also yellow-brown bruising at the IV site on my inner wrist. Ibuprofen spaced out every six to seven hours.

Did a bit of slow puttering around the house since cabin fever is starting to set in and I can only watch so much television. I made some tea, wiped down kitchen counters, watered plants. Nothing too strenuous but enough to keep me sane. Mike (my partner) came over in the evening with some home made beef stew because he is awesome. We watched Ghostbusters and he met my mom for the first time, which was probably a pretty weird time for everyone involved.

Bilateral Salpingectomy Day 3: The force is with me and I am with the force.

DAY 4
Throat was 100% back to normal. Stomach was still swollen but significantly reduced. The halo of bruising around my incisions had expanded a bit. Larger around the navel and a slight tinge around the two lower cuts. I could mostly move around comfortably but some movements were difficult. Getting up from a sitting position tugged uncomfortably at the belly button incision. I could bend a little at the waist but can't quite sit at a 90 degree angle because my navel will ache. My lower two incisions appeared to be fine. I started my period and it's normal. Just a slight cramp every now and again. Normal flow. No actual pain.

Mom flew home today, since I was back to semi-functioning. I was even working from home on my laptop. Doctor's office called to check on my progress and set up a two-week follow up appointment. Ibuprofen spaced out every seven hours.

DAY 5
Back at the office today (I have a desk job, thankfully). Typically I bike or walk a mile down to the train station, but today I took an Uber. I could have walked, but I decided not to push it. Stomach was still a bit puffy around my natural waistline, so I wore stretchy leggings and let them ride low on my hips. Bruising was more colorful today. I could sit mostly upright, maybe at an 80 degree angle. Walking around created an interesting sensation, there's a slight bounce to my navel as I move and I could feel it tug inside with every step. Not sharp pain but a definite soreness when that happened. I shuffled my feet and hunched over to soften this effect. By late afternoon I was tuckered out. Energy levels were about half of normal. My back hurt a little from hunching over. Ibuprofen was spaced out every eight hours.

DAY 6
Still too puffy for my snug skinny jeans, so I dug out my pre-weight loss baggy jeans from the closet (glad I didn't toss them). Navel bruising expanded a little more today. Uber-ed to work again out of laziness. Sat about 85 degrees upright in my chair today. The navel tugging wasn't as intense as it was yesterday, it's much easier to walk. Strolled around town for a bit after work until I tired out, then headed home for an early bedtime. Energy levels were around 75%. Steri-strips started to peel up at the corners, so I trimmed them back with manicure scissors so they don't catch on clothing. Ibuprofen now just on an as-needed basis when I start to feel a little crampy in my lower abdomen. Faint, light cramps. Nothing intense.